A new beginning: a life check in

For some reason I've been an emotional mess today.


Moments of thanks. Moments of reflection. Moments of joy and hope.

We have had big changes in our family with more exciting ones on the horizon and I just felt it on my heart to catch all of you up. 

Let's back track a little.

Kaleb ( my husband ) finally had top surgery on June 25th, 2018.

Even sitting here and typing this now, it still somehow doesn't feel real. We have spent what feels like every moment of our relationship thinking about that moment and how it would change his life. Spending years of trying to save, back stepping by a wedding, buying a house, loss of jobs and starting over.  Years of family, friends, clients and customers supporting us, fundraising, saving again and trying to reach that 8K goal that would lead us to this moment. Each penny helped us so much in the end, but it always felt like forever away. 

It wasn't until our dear friend Chad put a fundraiser together and shared it with the beautiful community that we build here at The Babetown Collective, that we finally reached a point where we could schedule the surgery. So many members of this community , friends and family gave their hard earned money to see this happen for this guy. Someone that many of them barely knew, but they believe in. For that, we will be forever grateful.

Through that, there were issues with insurance ( they paid a portion of the surgery ), where surgery dates came and went and still, we felt like this was never going to happen. Finally, finally the day came where we were there. In the hospital, getting checked in, and he was wheeled back. Surrounded by friends and family. Some, including Chad and Kaleb's mom who flew here to be with us on his special day.

Photo Credit: Chad of Faces Photography

The day was a lot of a blur now that I look back on it. Me holding back my anxieties, watching Kaleb smile through it all, keeping everyone laughing like he always does. I remember the surgeon coming out with the biggest smile on her face to let us know that everything went above and beyond well. Telling us how happy he is going to be with the results. It was the moment that it finally became real. Even before then, I think Kaleb and I were still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Still waiting for there to be some kind of hiccup. Something that wasn't going to work out. We'd pull ourselves together and go home, hand in hand, like we always did. Thankfully, that moment never came.

That was 6 weeks ago. 

After Kaleb's surgery, I dedicated every day to happily taking care of him, with a few moments of overwhelm and short responses, I was thankful to be there. To be by his side, along with his amazing mom, sister, her fiance and other amazing members of our family to make this transition as smooth as possible for him and soaking every new moment.  I'm sure I could equate it to having a new child and sitting back and taking in all the firsts. All the moments that Kaleb never got to truly enjoy were now a blessing and a celebration. 



Today, Kaleb goes back to work and our 6 week love fest has come to a close. But returning back to " normal" life, is something to celebrate too. Living our life without having this hanging over our heads. It's a relief to put it lightly but also a moment of readjustment. As a partner of a transman, my purpose in my own head was often just to make him as comfortable as possible moving through our life together. To reassure him, to research, call doctors, research some more and plan for this very day. While, our relationship is so much more than this part of it, so much more than this surgery, it was always somehow there. Planning things for when he " could" do them. When he'd be comfortable enough to enjoy it. When we'd have the money because we weren't worried about this cost. To just breathe, and move through our lives without it, is still a weird but exciting feeling. One that I am so open to experience wholly and fully. 

While this has all been going on, really since January, my career and own projects have taken much of a backseat. Not surprisingly because that's always been me. I am always the first to drop anything that I might have going on to be there for someone I love. The first 6 months of the year, it was about Kaleb and my journey could wait just a little longer. 

My business took a huge hit because of that time away. It also evolved as I was able to really take time away to reflect and see where I am meant to be. What i'm meant to be doing to serve the people around me and within this community. My journey to "success" has never been linear. I grow, move, change, learn and continue to do so as I come back to work full time. 

I totally am not a horn toot-er usually but the past few weeks I've been working on two projects that I've really never been more proud of. Working alongside Elizabeth of Elizabeth Craig Photography and her husband John on a secret project that I can't tell you about quite yet, has been so empowering and exciting. Their faith in me, trust in my passions and skills, and teamwork alongside me has been nothing short of incredible. I am truly honored to be working with them and for this opportunity to come into my life exactly when I needed it most. 

I've also been working so hard on my Build a Better Business courses which are launching on August 13th! I've poured my heart and soul into these courses on topic that I feel confident have immense value to not only my business, but yours as well. So many of our amazing community members and even babes who are knew to it have purchased one or more of the courses at the presale price. I am so excited to see how these course transform your businesses into something you can be proud of. 

I finally feel like I am back on track, after 6 months of feeling lost. It's been a journey but one worth being on. 

Thank you for being on it with me.